生病

生病时很痛苦，
常想，will it be so suffering before i die?


我知道我的想法很 morbid

可是, i can't help it.

whenever i am sick, it is ususally with fever and stomach upset.
the upset is MAJOR.

firstly i shiver in cold till my bones hurt. anything more i'll curl up like a prawn.
then the vomit and diahorea is in volts and you can never think that your ass could shit water.

so i pass-out semi drifting in and out for 2 days, struggling to drink milo before i faint or white out. all this while thinking this must be my punishment for doing something wrong. then i'll brain-search for something i might have done worng.

in between i worry that death will be like this.

then i said that i was silly, i couldn't possibly die.

but then the sickness is so real you think perhaps i may just sleep and die or faint and never wake up.

so this is sickness.

it only happens so once in a blue blue moon but when it does, i always fear that death will be torturous like this.

so i promised myself i will take care of my health. eat well sleep well exercise well.

那时， 我一心一意的 made sure 爸爸不冷也不喘，奇实是自己 fear of cold and breathlessness.

还好我是有点神精 Hyper, 才把爸爸照顾得温暖和 full of love and peace.

being morbid is not so bad afterall.